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[18 Feb 2007|07:06pm] |
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I was at home over break and I found the valentines day card my dad gave my mom. It was hand made out of construction paper with goofy mishapen hearts glued on and inside it said 'You're my girl. I love you.' I've never seen anything more indicative of true love in my entire life. My parents, married for almost 26 years, having gone through 33 valentines day's together and my dad, a 50 year old man made his wife a card out of construction paper. My dad is an amazing guy and its that kind of guy I want to marry, someone as genuine as him, someone who can love me like he loves my mom. I feel bad that not everyone gets that in their life time and in fact, so few actually do get it. Who knows if I will get to experience that, but I sure hope I do. Now I know why my dad got so angry about Phil not get me a thing last year for Valentine's day, not even a construction paper card. My dad knew Phil couldn't possibly love me if thats what I was to get out of him, nothing, on a day that although is completely trivial, is important to embrace even just a little. I told my dad he was wrong, but alas, my dad was right.
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[16 Oct 2006|03:42pm] |
Okay so here's the schedule for the French Film Festival that I mentioned on Myspace.
The night I went to already was openning night, I got to meet the director, get lots of free french wine and food, and free chanel make up so it was of course the best night of the festival, but here is the entire schedule. Those in bold are the one's im going to so let me know if you want to go too. This will also be posted on myspace.
Monday 10/16: Les Amants Reguliers [Everyday Lovers] @ 8:05 @ the AFI
Tuesday 10/17: Dans Paris [In Paris] @ 7:00 @ the AFI and Le Brigades Du Tigres @ 9:00 @ the AFI
Wednesday 10/18: Ca Brule [On Fire] @ 7:00 @ the AFI
Friday 10/20: Le Petit Lieutenant [The Little Lieutenant] @ 9:05 @ the AFI
Saturday 10/21: Kirikou [Its a cartoon] @ 12:30, Ca Brule @ 5:45, and Paris, Je T'amie @ 8:00 all @ the AFI
Sunday 10/22: Les Amants Reguliers @ 1:00 @ the AFI, Kirikou @ 3:30 @ the Embassy of France, Un Ami Parfait [A Perfect Friend] @ 4:20, Le Brigades Du Tigres @ 6:45, and Riviera @ 9:15 all at the AFI
Tuesday 10/24: Le Passager [The Passanger] @ 7:00 @ the Embassy of France
Thursday 10/26: Les Amants Reguliers @ 7:00 @ the Embassy of France
Saturday 10/28: Series of Short films (Lehomme Sans tete [the man without a head], conte de quartier [urban tale], and Gratte-papier [penpusher]) @ 4:00 at the National Gallery of Art. These ones are free.
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[14 Oct 2005|10:52am] |
Tranquility is not the same as laziness. Laziness is the habit of resting before you are tired.
And I'll always strive to be tranquil.
Never works, eh.
I need to get my head out of the past, it's making me really depressed. I always feel like a bad person for everything I do, but I know I'm not.
I dont say a bad word about people, I only try and do nice things.
But when I make a mistakes people hate me forever. It must be that bad, I guess.
Before getting bogged down and depressed about what you are, consider what you have the potential to become.
I love Phil and the friends I have and my coworkers and everyone that I'm in contact with right now, so much. I felt happy today and I like having that feeling. I always feel like I dont deserve it, but when it comes around I try so hard to stay with it. I've gotten really good at noticing little things and not taking things for granted. Maybe not the smallest of things, but things like closeness and company and comfort and interest. When I find them, I greet them.
If you want time make time. You will never find time.
Time is so surreal these days. It feels like everything is going so fast because I'm anticipating the future so badly. I'm always busy (school and work basically fills this category) and I always have a plan. One day I'll replace these plans with spontaneity. One day.
If you go through life intent on making others miserable, the only person that you will destroy will be yourself.
I've lately realized that the people around me have this large value that I hold to them. Everyone, Phil, Jessika, Tami, all the people I know, I value so much, but I find it hard to let them know it. I dont know, maybe other people have this same problem. But slowly, I'm finding out how to.
Today is a new day, and I'm going to live it the right way. Today.
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[18 Aug 2005|12:44am] |
So the news is they had my grandmother passed off as dead a few days ago and today they said they think she could make a complete turn around and get better. This is really good, but also really confusing. One day I think shes dead and I get really upset and the next day shes getting better and I just dont really know how to feel about anything anymore. I just kind of go along with everyone now. AND for the record, i freaking LOVE my family to no end. Every single member. Parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, all of them are awesome. The most fun and the most ridiculous family on the planet. Ask anyone who knows us. Go on, ask.
also, im so happy school is starting, I need to do something with meaning.
also, im dying slowly. I have allergy problems out the ass, an ear infection, my mom thinks i have diabetes (everyone in my family already has it), and i think I'm developing lactose intolerance. It rocks. not.
also, please everyone keep my busy for the next week, phil left me for daytona and I have no other friends.
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[30 Jul 2005|09:57pm] |
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OH and if you're one of the people DESPERATE to see what I have to say in my livejournal about you, (I dont say anything about anyone except myself and my greatfriends p.s.) ASK ME what I think. No need to sneak onto my journal to catch a glimpse of my feelings.
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[19 Jul 2005|11:58pm] |
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[17 Jul 2005|12:04am] |
yesterday i stood in a really sweaty room
and listened to the 3 greatest bands of all time
first of all, this day and age = greatest friends ever
second of all, lovedrug = best music ever
third of all, mae = most fun ever
fourth of all, phil = best boyfriend ever
fifth of all, jess = best person ever.. EVER
By the time Mae played, I was so sweaty that it felt good and it made the music feel better and I loved it.
Today I got back to being a kid. I started rereading the chronicles of Narnia and wore my rainboots and splashed in puddles. I was going to see Willy Wonka to top it off, but I didnt feel like driving in the hurricane to get there.
Today I also went shopping with phil and FINALLY bought the lux courageous cd and Nine Stories by Salinger. I wanted to get the 4th 5th and 6th books of the chronicles of naria, but they were too expensive. I also wanted Haunted but it was too expensive.
I'll probably end up getting it all later.
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[13 Jul 2005|12:37pm] |
Barcelona, Spain
Cork City, Ireland
Victoria, Australia
Antiqua, Guatemala
Cardiff, Wales
Rome, Italy
Paris, France
Beijing, China
Fujiyoshida, Japan
Parana, Brazil
Patmos, Greece
just a list of places I need to go to before I die.
I had to write them down somewhere so I wouldnt forget.
Ive already been to Antiqua, Guatemala, but I need to go again very soon.
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[10 Jul 2005|12:07am] |
I've been so afraid of everything in the world.
Afraid that people wont like me
Afraid that I'm doing the wrong thing
Afraid that if I make a mistake I cant ever fix it
Afraid that if I'm myself, people wont like me as much
I'm a very deep and inward person
I like to be alone
I like to watch and to take in everything around me
And I always feel like I cant be that way around people because it scares them
They want excitement and new shiny relationships with new shiny people
Today I decided that what I don't like most about people is that they're never around
Everyone is always moving around and doing something
No one wants to talk because its too much down time
I want to talk
I want to talk to the people I know that I never talk to
I want to know what you like and know what you do
But no one wants to be around me I feel, because I want to know these things
Its unnatural
None of my old friends care to ask how I am
None of my new friends care to ask how I was
No one knows me from begining to end, except for me
And I've been trying to find someone to tell, but I'm all alone on this one
I like how things are
I just wish people werent afraid to tell me whats wrong
or whats right
or whats strange in their lives
I could write a book about the things I see everyday
My book about the things I know has very few pages
I make no sense
to myself or to anyone else
But I want to find a nitch and sit in it
and be a statue that watches the people walk by
but occassionally, the people will stop to look at me and wonder about how I got there
someday
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[03 Jul 2005|11:13pm] |
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i havent slept at all in 36 hours and I feel fine, not tired at all. It's strange because I always feel like I HAVE to get a lot of sleep or I can't function
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[03 Jul 2005|05:52am] |
wow. so many updates in so little time.
well its 6am and im exhausted, but I cant sleep.
I tried to go to bed at 11 because i was so tired, but I just laid there for a few hours, but I've given up. I have this really really weird feeling all throughout my body and it wont go away.
I'm just gonna go to phil's in a few hours with really big bags under my eyes
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[02 Jul 2005|11:16pm] |
I want a nice camera so I can take nice pictures.
I have a nice polaroid, but I cant afford the film.
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[02 Jul 2005|09:07pm] |
I'm so far in over my head in this whole life business.
Sarah left, and I'm really sad because I love her and shes the only cousin I'm somewhat close with.
And I left a really good paying job for a really shitty paying job, but the feel and the environment of my new job is much better and I don't feel like I always have to kill myself like I did at Copeland's, but the having less money is hard for me to keep track of when it comes to having to pay for all of this school and gas.
AND this whole transfering idea was the worst idea I've ever had and it's making me go nuts. All the shit I have to do just to get where I need to be is so overwhelming I feel like I'm completely lost and don't really know what I want anymore. I know what I want, but I'm so exhausted from taking the round-about way of getting there.
And keeping up with friends and a boyfriend and transfering and this whole confusion that is my life is rattling my brain.
But phil makes things easier 99.9% of the time. <3
and it makes me break into pieces sometimes.
Little things, like getting lost or being late, make me explode into this mess that doesn't know what to do with herself, when I just made a wrong turn.
I've become ridiculously sensitive and unconfident and insecure.
At this point in time.. I dont know what to say for myself
AND im sick today and my nose wont stop running and my head hurts and theres nothing to keep my busy so its not addint to the task of trying to raise my spirits. I pretty much just need some help.
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[28 Jun 2005|02:06am] |
i want to BE this girl
shes fuckin, the nicest thing ever
and beautiful
and amazing
and we look the same so im like.. half way there.
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[23 Jun 2005|10:38am] |
i keep having dreams about mtsu
i think i need to go visit during the fall semester.
AND this weekend is an Ocean City weekend with my favorite people.
were leaving with plans to camp on the beach and get sunburnt
I'm so happy with summer.
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